Wednesday, March 22, 2006
When It Rains It Pours
Yesterday it rained in Vegas. People in the desert freak out when it rains at all. They lose all sense about themselves and consequently their driving (which is horrendous to begin with in Vegas) goes all to hell. Bad driving is compounded by nature in the fact that all the oils that accumulate are not washed away off the road surface when it rains here (because it doesn't rain enough to wash it away) so they just bubble up and become more viscous, making the road surface especially dangerous. Which is why people should be more careful when they drive, but they're not. That's Vegas for you. People should be more careful, but they're not.
Anyway, yesterday my colleague's assistant called in saying that she had got into a wreck and was all shook up. A wreck is not implausible to begin with, but the bad weather added fuel to the fire. I had a suspicion, however, that this was not true. Call me cynical, but I suspected that she woke up, the weather was crappy and she called in. She didn't want to say "sick" (too cheesy/easy) so she invented a traffic accident.
The problem is, the bigger the lie the more details you have. I know this because I've been lying all my life, I'm pretty f*cking good at it by now. At least I know my way around the terrain. As the saying goes: "You can't bullshit a bullshitter". Call it my poker instinct. So I knew that if this wreck story were true there would have to be corroborating evidence. For instance, a busted up car. What do you know? This morning Ms. Assistant rolled into work in a car that showed no sign whatsoever of damage. The plot thickens ... Her story? A tire blew out and caused her to swerve, making another driver hit a pole. The first question is: Why would you miss a day of work for that? I can grant that you would be shaken up by causing harm to another person, but I don't think you need to miss a day for anything less that causing a death. But lack of compassion aside, I digress, let's go to the evidence. In this case there should be a new tire or a donut on her car. Were either of those present? No. Verdict: Caught in a lie.
Of course, I could be wrong. She could have an old tire lying around in her garage that she swapped on after her accident. The fact that its the same brand and has the same tread wear as her other tires is a miracle of science! Yeah, I'm a hard ass, I know. The worst thing is that she lied, really. If you wanna call in, use the ol' 24 hour flu excuse. Use a stomach bug. But when you make up a big story you create potential traps for yourself and you need to be aware of that. You take a risk. Her reward? A day off work. It doesn't make sense to me, but what do I know? ¶ 9:17 AM
Anyway, yesterday my colleague's assistant called in saying that she had got into a wreck and was all shook up. A wreck is not implausible to begin with, but the bad weather added fuel to the fire. I had a suspicion, however, that this was not true. Call me cynical, but I suspected that she woke up, the weather was crappy and she called in. She didn't want to say "sick" (too cheesy/easy) so she invented a traffic accident.
The problem is, the bigger the lie the more details you have. I know this because I've been lying all my life, I'm pretty f*cking good at it by now. At least I know my way around the terrain. As the saying goes: "You can't bullshit a bullshitter". Call it my poker instinct. So I knew that if this wreck story were true there would have to be corroborating evidence. For instance, a busted up car. What do you know? This morning Ms. Assistant rolled into work in a car that showed no sign whatsoever of damage. The plot thickens ... Her story? A tire blew out and caused her to swerve, making another driver hit a pole. The first question is: Why would you miss a day of work for that? I can grant that you would be shaken up by causing harm to another person, but I don't think you need to miss a day for anything less that causing a death. But lack of compassion aside, I digress, let's go to the evidence. In this case there should be a new tire or a donut on her car. Were either of those present? No. Verdict: Caught in a lie.
Of course, I could be wrong. She could have an old tire lying around in her garage that she swapped on after her accident. The fact that its the same brand and has the same tread wear as her other tires is a miracle of science! Yeah, I'm a hard ass, I know. The worst thing is that she lied, really. If you wanna call in, use the ol' 24 hour flu excuse. Use a stomach bug. But when you make up a big story you create potential traps for yourself and you need to be aware of that. You take a risk. Her reward? A day off work. It doesn't make sense to me, but what do I know? ¶ 9:17 AM
