To My Assistant You know when you are talking to me about something cute your husband did that day and had to call you about? Those times when I am writing checks out of QuickBooks (I loathe this application) and poring over accounts to make sure we have been paid for services rendered? Here's the scoop on me during those times: I am not paying attention as you talk to me during these times. Even though you are standing behind me and expecting me to wheel around and make eye contact/reply, I am not going to. Why? Because I am working.

Your husband seems a nice guy. I have seen pictures of him and he seems like a decent fella. I know he's a little fat and he's trying to lose weight, so I commend him. I know that he really likes Motley Crue and other metal bands, and that you, Assistant, have taken to hating them and that's cool too because I much prefer classical music at work. I'm a dork like that. I know your hubby got his new job and seems to be thriving there, despite all the time he is on the horn with you. But here's the thing, A, as nice as your hubby may be and as quirky as he may seem to you I just don't really care to hear all about him and the things he does. That's nothing personal, its just the way I am and that's the situation we're in. I feel I can say this here, in the blog, because I think it would crush you if I were to be this harsh to you in person, face-to-face. I know you think the world of this man and to hear me be disinterested in him might make you cry. So I'll keep it anonymous and we'll both be better off.

In the mean time I think you're doing a heck of a job and we'll see about getting you a raise tomorrow. That'll be something you can call your husband about at work.
  ¶ 3:58 PM