To the thief at the Hard Rock Casino: Hey! Thanks for breaking into my shitty little Japanese Korean import car to steal my sunglasses and the change from my ash tray. I think your total haul from this job must easily top $10! Good one! Ka-ching! Now you can afford the down payment on that new house in Summerlin! You ballin' now!

But seriously. A 97 Kia? Factory stereo? No friggin' antenna? You had to choose it didn't you? The shades were worth something, so I'm a little pissed about losing them, but I don't keep anything else of value in my car, so I guess you kind of whiffled on this one. But what did you expect?

I'm more upset that you left the car in such a mess. Why'd you do that? I know you were probably in a hurry and all, but after rummaging through my glove box to find nothing but air freshener couldn't you have at least cleaned up a little after yourself? *sigh* The quality of thievery has declined in the last few years ...

Anonymous Garage Thief, I've come to accept your actions. There's nothing I can do about it now. I can post on this little blog and rant a bit, but you're out there wearing my Arnette's and spending that $1.27 in nickles, dimes and pennies. The truth is, if your personal situation is so bad that breaking into my car is worth it to you - if the risk of being caught stealing sunglasses and change is nothing compared to the value of those things - then I'll let you have this one. I don't know how I feel about karma and all that stuff, but maybe this is one from me to you. I've done some pretty mean things in my past, maybe its coming back to bite me in the ass now. So it goes.

Lastly, if you're not super desperate and you're just a punk who breaks into crappy unassuming cars for the thrill of it and you're gambling on the off chance that I've got a million dollars in the trunk, I think you should get some help. Get help before I find you and punch you in the face, breaking my sunglasses in the process. It will save us both time and you'll get to keep the glasses.  ¶ 2:05 PM