Please refrain from coming into my office with your little comments about how great your life is. I really don't care. I would care, if I liked you more, but I don't. Let me explain it to you: Generally I'm a pretty indifferent person. Its just my natural leaning. This indifference I like to think of as my natural "Buddha mind" even though I'm no Buddhist. When we met I was very indifferent; it doesn't mean I don't like you, it just means that we're on a level ground with no interfering drama. Better for the both of us. But, Smarmy Sales Guy, you've been gettin' on my nerves the past few weeks. Again, doesn't mean I don't like you, just lettin' ya know where you stand.

 

Firstly, your complaints and mopey attitude about your parents leaving the Las Vegas valley are not real interesting news to me. Here's why: You're (supposed to be) a grown man. The fact that you live with your parents at this age is bad enough, but to insist on leaving with them when they decide to go to another state is just pathetic. Dude, I think they're trying to get away from you. So what if you have to sacrifice a little of your lavish lifestyle so you can now be a functional member of society and pay rent? Seriously, you need someone to tell you that? And don't drop your eyes and get all mopey when we tell you. Its called responsibility, live up to it.

 

Secondly, your womanizing (or lack thereof). I understand that you have no girlfriend. Ever since the last receptionist was fired I know you've been on a dry spell. Here's a tip: don't act like an aloof asshole around women when they engage you. I know you think you're doing the Tao of Steve thing, but you've got very little room to work this. Again, you live with your parents, how much mack can you be? I wouldn't even deem to bring this up if you didn't mention it to me every time we're around one another.

 

Lastly, what moved me to write this was when you pushed your head into my office and told me how great the new Star Wars movie was. I know its great. Its Star Wars, which I love dearly. I actually have a life, so unlike you I could not have the boss take pity on me and offer me one of his exclusive four tickets to opening night. I'll see the movie later, possibly this weekend. Then I will have experienced how awesome a film it is. I know you probably didn't mean anything by poking you head this morning, but it kind of pissed me off. I didn't get enough sleep last nite, so maybe I'm a little grouchy.